Learn to Compliment and Appreciate Your Spouse


The third Necktie Approach refers to giving compliments and uplifting your wife’s spirit. Marriage is a beautiful, yet most challenging relationship, especially when you forget to compliment your spouse.

Through the years, while criticism and hurtful words destroy marriage, I have seen how compliments can build a relation- ship. Let me give you an example.

I awake at six in the morning.

It means I’m going to be late to my class—a doctoral study I need to attend most weekends.

I have to cook, take a shower, have my breakfast, and catch the van going to Bangkok and ride a BTS train.

I am supposed to be already in a van at 6 am and on my way to Bangkok. But I am surprised to see that my wife has prepared everything—my clothes and my breakfast (I usually do the cooking at home.) All I need to do is to take a shower and eat. After breakfast, she drives the car and sends me off to catch the van along the highway.

While on the train, I send her a message. “Mommy, thank you for preparing my breakfast. I appreciate all your effort. I love you!” Let’s face it—most husbands are not good at giving compliments. Since I started writing this book, I’ve learned the importance of giving compliments.

Chris Rock once said, “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” Say “thank you” whether for a home-cooked meal, a new shirt, or a favorite snack.

Husbands should consistently show and express their appreciation. Women love being complimented, and who better to compliment them than their husbands?

A husband should not neglect to flatter his wife on her appearance, especially if she made a special effort to look good. Tell your wife how beautiful she is and tell her often. This lets her know you notice her.

Why are we so slow to compliment, yet very quick to criticize? Your job is not to find a mistake but to compliment and uplift your wife’s spirit.

There is no doubt that therapeutic words can heal the broken spirit better than damaging words. Some examples of therapeutic words are: Thank you, I love you, I am sorry, and many other positive words.

There are so many marriages that need healing. And one of the reasons is the inability to compliment or give praises to one another. When I reflected on this chapter, I found out that there are many reasons to compliment my wife:

  • She makes me ginger tea every morning before I write.
  • She loves to surprise me. One time she bought me a green bike on my birthday.
  • She has the talent of convincing people, which is an asset in selling something.
  • She is organized both at work and home.
  • She loves to tell her childhood experiences to our children.
  • She is very open and honest with me.
  • She is kind in dealing with her co-teachers.
  • She loves her family that she’s willing to send financial help oftentimes even if it is a sacrifice for her.
  • She knows how to crack silly jokes.
  • She is health conscious and likes juicing.
  • She loves our children very much.
  • And the list goes on and on.

Now, here’s a little exercise you might want to try. Get some paper and begin to list down the good qualities of your wife. I’m sure you can remember and write them—good in cooking, good listener, understanding, etc.

Do not let the sun go down without whispering to her the good traits or qualities she possesses. Wives had an incredible influence on their husbands. I believe there is wisdom in the saying, “Behind the success of a man is a woman.” However, this could also be true if taken always compliments his wife and lifts her up.”

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Jun Amparo

Jun Amparo

JUN AMPARO is the author of two inspirational books about personal finance and marriage.  He is nominated as Huwarang OFW 2019 organized by The 700 Club Asia and is pursuing his doctoral study in education. Presently, he is working as a university counselor and lecturer at Asia-Pacific International University in Thailand.