There are several reasons why married men cheat. One important element is because of a distant relationship. God intended the husband and wife to live in one roof. This is his original plan.
That’s why after the wedding ceremony, the woman will leave his family and start to live with her new husband. However, although this is the ideal scenario, many marriages suffered from a distant relationship.
A good example is the case of most Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) who are leaving their husbands or wives due to economic reasons. When one partner is away, there is a greater risk of being tempted due to loneliness. If adultery occurs even when there is a presence of a wife, how much more when a spouse is not around?
The social media and marriage relationship
When this happens, a strong line of communication between the two couples is non-negotiable. Fortunately, the digital age has brought couples to be easily connected with one another even though they ocean miles apart. Unfortunately, social media and other forms of online communication can also be a tool to get hook if a husband is not totally committed to his partner.
Let’s say you accepted a friend request in social media from your ex-lover. Of course, your action is without malice. Then you begin chatting with each other at social media and spend more time than with your own wife. Later on, after a series of conversation you agreed to see each other—perhaps a simple dinner outside.
This is absolutely risky as the spouse is not around. And you know what would happen next. The price of a dream financial freedom is replaced by illicit relationship abroad which eventually ruins a once happy family.
While I understand that some men are faithful to their wives, most husbands have cheated their spouses because they are not staying together. Forget about the girls around you and focus on one woman you truly love. If you do this, she will support you and help you to achieve your dreams. Infidelity happens when you fail to live and follow God’s principles about marriage.”
Some reasons why married men cheat on his wife
Another reason why most married men cheat or have concubine is that they feel more “macho” by having more women. Because they fear of getting older, having more women feels them younger. Sometimes men feel they are going through a midlife crisis and will have an affair to feel young and virile again. The real definition of being “macho” is not about having more women, but being faithful to your spouse.
Another factor of infidelity is that a husband is usually seeking for an adventure—something that is thrilling and exciting. This does not only happen in the movies but in real life. When a husband is flirting with another woman, it gives him a short-time pleasure especially when he is bored and his wife is not around.
The cheating spouse may not even have physically cheated but maybe having an online relationship with someone. He or she may be living out a fantasy while ‘cybering’ with an individual online. However, the effect is oftentimes detrimental and lasting to a spouse.
So, why would you prefer short-term pleasure over real, lasting happiness? As a husband, you need to get out from a shallow concept of marriage and become more matured.
A short process of courtship can also contribute to a weaker foundation of marriage. Needless to say, it gives less opportunity to know the person better—which includes his or her personality, aspirations, priorities and dreams in life.
Just like planting a seed, most of the marriage relationships need enough time and preparation to nurture and taking care of in order to grow. When you married hastily and the storms of life tested your relationship, one could easily fall into temptations.
A husband must fear God
The last factor why married men cheat on their wives is because they don’t fear God. Infidelity happens when you fail to live and follow Gods principles about marriage. Remember to be captivated with your wife and no one else. “Do not be captivated by other women” (Proverbs 5:20). While polygamy is never God’s plan, the husband must have only one wife.
The devil may be able to devise a strategy and find a window of opportunity to destroy your marriage, but decisions and choices always lie in your hands. If you fear God, you won’t be able to be looking outside the boundary of your marriage, even just for pleasure or sexual fulfillment.
The bottom line is that cheating is a symptom that something is wrong in the marriage. Get in the habit of telling the truth. Be honest in all areas of your marriage. Many people cheat after frustration in their marriage. Cheating doesn’t have to end a marriage.
I believe many marriages can be saved when the couple forgives one another and seek God in their marriage. Robert Muller once said, “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” There must be no room for blaming game—instead, take responsibility for your own mistakes. The erring spouse must be willing to ask for forgives and change.
However, I believe this is easier said than done especially if the emotional damage you have created is too deep to heal and too difficult to erase in one’s memory. If your marriage has been ruined by infidelity and you’ve been terribly hurt, seek help from experienced and trusted couples to restore broken relationship.
If the pain is too much to bear, remember to keep finding great lessons that would help you to be a better person along the way. Most importantly, bend your knees and ask for divine wisdom.
Forgiveness is the key to a happy marriage
To start the process of forgiveness, you need to be morally conscious and understand that becoming unfaithful to your wife is the worst decision you have ever made. In other words, acknowledge your mistake—simple as that. No excuses. No blaming. Just take the responsibility and be willing to accept the consequences either good or bad.
Of course, this process needs a lot of prayer and guidance from God. After you realized your fault, you need to make a decision to repent and ask for forgiveness. When you do this, you have to humble yourself and gather enough courage and say: “I am sorry. I became unfaithful to you but I promise that I will never do it again.”
Be ready for her answer. We don’t know whether she would forgive right away—only time knows. Forgiveness is necessary to have a healthy relationship.
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